Texas won't divorce you because you're not really married: Problems LGB couples face when dissolving their relationships

By: Abby M. Haak

Since 1990, many new studies have been done on the relationships of same-sex couples and their families. These studies usually assume that all LGB families are alike in their experiences and needs. These studies also assume that LGB families follow heteronormative family guidelines. Heteronormativity is the assumption that heterosexuality is the norm and that all individuals are straight. Here's a great song about heteronormativity: Heteronormativity Rap. 

The problem with putting LGB families in a heteronormative framework is that it makes any non-heteronormative experiences invisible! It is almost as though the only difference between LGB families and straight families is that some are with people of the same gender and some are not, when in fact LGB families face different obstacles in their relationships/families than heterosexual families experience (examples: legal restraints, social stigmas).

The article "Same-Sex Relationships and Dissolution: The Connection Between Heteronormativity and Homonormativity", Van Eeden-Moorefield, Martell, Williams, and Preston attempt to show how same-sex relationships are diverse, especially in regards to their endings (dissolutions). They begin the paper by looking at the prevalence of same-sex couples in the United States and the rate at which these couples go through a relationship dissolution (break-up, divorce, separation).

 The authors note that because of legal differences from state to state, LGB individuals often need to go through special hoops in order to dissolve relationships. For example, look at this infograph of states that allow LGB couples to marry. If an individual gets married in Iowa but then moves to Texas and wants to get a divorce, he/she might not be able to because that would require Texas (where LGB marriage is not recognized) to say that the marriage was valid and therefore could be dissolved. Next, the authors describe some of the social challenges that LGB couples face when dissolving their relationships. For example, many LGB couples face social stigmas (negative assumptions about themselves because of their sexual identity) and these stigmas can cause stress within their relationships.

 As more and more states allow same-sex couples to marry and with the repeal of DOMA, legal dissolution of marriages are inevitable (admit it-- sometimes divorce happens! Check out these divorce rates). The authors call for more research to be conducted on LGB couples and how they deal with the end of their relationships, especially research that does not make heteronormative assumptions about the relationships and experiences of LGB couples.


If you want to learn more about the authors of this article, click these links!
Brad Van Eeden Moorefield
Christopher Martell

Sister to Sister Talk: Transcending Boundaries and Challenges in Qualitative Research with Black Women

Black women and family experiences have for a long time been told by outsiders and information being given out is distorted. Black women researchers are calling out for black women and family experiences to be for the black.

Few, Stephens and Rouse-Arnett (2003) have identified that black women and families experiences have been misunderstood when research is being conducted. The article looks at the challenges that black women researcher’s face when doing research on sensitive issues on black women and gives out solutions on how to conduct qualitative research on experiences of black women and families. Sister to sister talk is like a forum that brings black women together to share experiences that are related to life of black women (p.205). Few et al argue that black women and family research should be done by black women. Black women have been spoken for and its time they speak for themselves, to bring out the correct interpretation of black woman and family life experiences; by challenging the misinterpretations that have been presented before influenced by whiteness (p.206). The qualitative research done on black women and families, factors in issues of race, gender, color, class, ethnicity when being conducted to give room to look at how multiple issues are intertwined and affect black women (p.205). The research looks at different forms of oppression and the links
To incorporate activism in the research, researchers have recommended using action research for the informants to be part of the research process. This involves the informant being able to identify the problem; knowing what led to the experience and what factors contributed to it. The informant should also be empowered by recognizing the different dimensions of power and how it influences their experiences, that is personal power, interpersonal power and political power (p.206)

To be able to conduct effective research on black women, the researcher should be able to identify with the informant, by gaining an insider status and create an acceptable environment for the research to be carried out without information being withheld. For example the style of dressing, the language being used to be able to relate to the informant and factors related to privilege addressed on the side of the researcher. The researcher should be aware that to relate to the informer, their status would be challenged and checking can be done at times, so that the informer can get a comfort zone to share experiences on sensitive topics (pp.207&208). At times, researchers have to embrace the culture and social context the research is being carried under.

Way forward for Black women Researchers

Few et al (2003) give out suggestions of carrying out qualitative research on black women. The researcher should have a background on the problem being addressed and understand the culture of the informant. The researcher should fit into the context of the research. As a researcher one should be accountable for the research being conducted, the data being presented is a reflection of the black women on sensitive issues. The researcher should not create a situation that is not safe for the black women and family, but one that is going to have a positive impact on their lives. The language being used in the research should not serve to silence black women but give them the opportunity to share their experiences. In the research process one can use multiple ways to get information by not subjecting the informant into an emotional dilemma. This is done by researchers taking care of the informants by offering additional resources; where they can seek help after the interview to take care of painful memories of sensitive issues. The researcher is not supposed to take on dual relationships during the research (pp. 210-212). Having dual relationships can sabotage the research.

Reference

Few, A. L., Stephens, D. P., & Rouse‐Arnett, M. (2003). Sister‐to‐Sister Talk: Transcending Boundaries and Challenges in Qualitative Research With Black Women*. Family Relations, 52(3), 205-215.

For more information on the article Sister to Sister talk visit: http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/3700271?uid=3739736&uid=2129&uid=2&uid=70&uid=4&uid=3739256&sid=21102655944813

Marriage Equality Spotlight puts Divorce Equality in the Shadows

By Lauren Kross

For heterosexual couples, divorce has become normalized. If a marriage no longer works, a divorce is a solution to the problem.  In addition to helping the couple split on legal terms, divorce provides legal steps for child custody, visitation, child support, etc. Also, there are many social services, books, and articles to help families navigate the emotional and physical trauma of a parent separation.

But what happens when LGBT families split? In the article, “Ambiguous Loss After Lesbian Couples With Children Break Up: A Case Study for Same-Gender Divorce,” Katherine Allen discusses what happens to LGBT families after a split and the lack of discussion about LGBT family breakups.  Because LGBT couples lack the federal rights that come with marriage, they also lack divorce benefits.

Any breakup presents challenges, but breakups with children become more complicated when one person is given the power to control the situation. Because there are no laws stating that partners have equal access to their children after a split, one partner can decide to completely close off the relationship. If this decision is made, the partner who is closed off can no longer see that child. This causes ambiguous loss, an ongoing stressor caused by someone or something outside of one’s control (Allen 176).  It is more severe because the pain and suffering does not stop and cannot be stopped by the person affected.

Allen discusses the loss of her son after breaking up with her partner of 12 years. She struggled to cope with losing access to her family and son that she helped parent for so many years. Even though Allen and her partner set up safeguards in case of a split, there was nothing to protect their agreements legally. They were not obligated to honor these promises to one another anymore. Currently, this same situation can happen and is happening to LGBT families across the US.

The focus on marriage equality has been highly energized in the past few years and during recent presidential, state, and local elections. However, the less exciting and glamorous side of legal relationship rights amongst LGBT people—divorce—has received little attention in media and policy. If we are fighting for marriage equality, we must also fight for divorce equality because it allows for fair parent-child relationships. 

For information about Katherine Allen, visit: http://www.humandevelopment.vt.edu/allen.html 

For information about family equality and LGBT family resources, visit: http://www.familyequality.org/