Siblings and the Responsibility of Parent Care

Siblings aren’t very good at sharing. Especially when it comes to sharing the responsibility of taking care of elderly parents.

Berit Ingersoll-Dayton, Margaret Neal, Jung-Hwa Ha, and Leslie Hammer in their article “Redressing Inequity in Parent Care Among Siblings” found  when siblings take care of their elderly parents,one sibling tends to do the majority of providing care for their parents. Often because society assumes that women are “naturally” better caregivers because of their roles as women, female siblings are the primary caregivers of elderly parents. This excuses male siblings lack of involvement because females are thought to be better caretakers.

When there is an unequal share of the work, siblings feel conflicting emotions.  The sibling who is doing the majority of the work  feels overwhelmed and angry toward their siblings who aren’t helping. The other siblings can feel guilty that they are not doing enough work. Often this unequal division of labor will lead to tensions in the family and siblings will attempt to make the work more equal.

There are two ways of making work equal, actual equity and psychological equity. An example of actual equity is when  one sibling does the physical care while another provides financial care for the parent. While the siblings are not doing the same work, it is viewed as a fair trade because both are giving up something to help take care of their parents. They are both contributing to the care of their parents. However, when a sibling doesn’t live up to their side of the bargain, it causes more tension in the family and makes problems worse.

With psychological equity, siblings take into account many more related factors when judging the involvement of each sibling. For example, siblings may think about factors of employment status, how close geographically siblings are to the parent, or the personality of the siblings before deciding who should be primary caregiver or how much care a family member should give. Believing women to better caregivers than men is also an example of psychological equity. This often very complex with multiple factors weighed against one another. Often this is used to excuse family members who don’t help out, but it does attempt to address inequality in caregiving. 

It is important for siblings to have honest conversations about what to do with elderly parents and how to divide the work fairly among siblings. By being upfront and honest about their individual feelings, siblings can work out possible solutions well before caregiving actually starts. It’s not a fun conversation to have, but it can help to stop future fighting between siblings about caregiving.

Refugee Experience in Minnesota

By Lauren Kross

The article “Culture, Structure, and the Refugee Experience in Somali Immigrant Family Transformation” by Elizabeth Heger Boyle and Ahmed Ali discusses the Somali refugee experience in Minnesota. The authors did in-depth interviews with families living in the Twin Cities Metro Area because that is the highest concentration of Somali refuges in the United States (Boyle 51). Interviewees were recruited at places like conferences, shopping malls, and ESL classes and asked questions ranging from topics of family life to religion.

The researchers found that life in the United States greatly differed from that of Somalia. Two areas that they found drastic changes were economic opportunities and how money affects daily life and the influence of American values, beliefs, and culture on daily life and interactions.

Some discoveries that the researchers found through interviewing refugees were:

• ·      Family structure moved from a lot of members, including extended family members like Grandparents and community members, to traditional American family structure, including parents and children only
• ·      Families were more likely to separate and function as single families
• ·      Fewer arranged marriages were occurring because of new cultural values about marriage
• ·      Stress levels in families increased and some participants said that family life in America was not as satisfying as family life in Africa
• ·      A sense of loss is felt because the extended family members are no longer there to help with the household
• ·      Family in the United States is more private and isolated
• ·      In Africa, there was a fear of the family if a mistake was made or the couple was fighting but in the United States, there is a fear of the government and legal action
• ·      Many refugees are forced to work low paid service work because oversees degrees are not valued in the United States, refugees do not have as many networks for job searching, and discrimination against refugees

There is also a population of Somali refugees and immigrants in Mankato, Minnesota. One resource that can help refugees living in Mankato is the YWCA-Mankato. I have volunteered with this organization for the past year. It has impacted my experience as a community member of Mankato and has exposed me to the different cultures found within this area. As a Ready to Learn Volunteer, I've been able to work with refugee and immigrant families in the community. Although a large part of my role as a volunteer is to teach the children and help prepare them for Kindergarten, another part is helping the families navigate life in America. The article by Boyle and Ali provided insight to what these families are going through and allowed me to understand the Somali culture and the transition to American culture better. The information presented in this article will be carried with me as I continue to volunteer with the YWCA-Mankato and families in the community. 

Programs offered by the YWCA include:

• The Walking in Two Worlds program is for refugee and immigrant women which allows women to connect with other women going through a similar experience, introduce women to the community, and allows the women to better understand American culture and language. 
• Ready to Learn Program helps children of refugee and immigrant families prepare for Kindergarten and/or Pre-school. 

More information on these programs and others by the YWCA-Mankato can be found at: http://www.mankatoywca.org/

White Lesbian Couples Adopting Racial/Ethnic Minority Children

White Lesbian Couples Adopting Racial/Ethnic Minority Children

Article by: Hannah Richardson and Abbie Goldberg

Blog by: Abby Haak

The amount of white parents adopting racial or ethnic minority children has increased in the United States, partly because of the large amount of racial/ethnic minority children who need to be adopted (Richardson and Goldberg, 2010). Research suggests that compared to heterosexual couples, lesbian couples are more open to adopting a child who is of a different race than they are. Society often thinks that lesbian mother families are not acceptable because they do not have a male parent, even though research has shown that lesbian parents provide loving, stable homes for their children. 

Lesbian couples who adopt racial/ethnic minority children face multiple stigmas based on belonging to a sexual minority identity, being adoptive families, and having a multiracial family. These stigmas are what Richardson and Goldberg (2010) wanted to research.

Richardson and Goldberg (2010) also wanted to look into the idea of White parents who are “color-blind”. In this sense, being color-blind means that a parent believes that race won’t be a problem for their kids, which could lead to these parents overlooking challenges that their kids COULD face because of their race. Richardson and Goldberg (2010) interviewed 20 lesbian couples who identified as White and who had adopted children who were ethnic/racial minorities. The lesbians were financially secure, well educated, and had never adopted before.  If you are interested in reading a similar study, click this link!

The researchers of this study found that the majority of the lesbian parents assumed that they would face some discrimination because of their sexual identities and their adoptive children.  Many of the women were afraid that their children would face discrimination in schools or in their communities, not only because of their minority race/ethnicity, but also because of the sexual identity of their mothers. An interesting finding of this study was that some of the mothers used their White Privilege to their advantage (that is, they weren’t color-blind and they acknowledged differences in race). 

Three months after adoption, the same lesbian couples were interviewed again. This time, the parents indicated that they HAD indeed experienced some form of discrimination, noting that they were often more discriminated against because they had children of a different race, and less because of their sexual identities. Despite these difficulties, most of the women also indicated that they had found support within their communities. By acknowledging their multiple identities, these families were able to “raise their children with a greater awareness and openness to difference” (Richardson and Goldberg, 2010, p. 351).

Fathers' Expectation and Involvement in Families

In the article, “Complexity of Father Involvement in Low- Income Mexican America Families” Scott Coltrane, Ross D Parke and Michele Adams argue that men are more likely to share the house hold activities when family experiences financial hardship. It means that economic hardship play vital roles in low-income Mexican families’ fathers encourage involving more in parenting. When mother share the financial burden by working long shifts it is also expected that fathers help in house hold chores and taking care of their children.

The authors argue that higher levels of educations can also signify women’s higher expectation for men’s involvement in activities and direct child supervision. Traditionally, mothers’ are expected to involve with children as well as fathers’. Women who work are also sharing the financial burden and definitely expect her spouse to help in house work and involve in parenting. Mothers’ and fathers’ are equally responsible for taking care of children and house hold duties. When the family experience financial hardship, it is expected from both women and men to share the financial and parenting responsibilities.

Mother and fathers equal involvement in families help children to understand different attitudes and perspectives from the involvement of both parents. In traditional families mothers’ were more involved in parenting than fathers’. Now in changing trends of gender roles families, father and mother both has equal responsibilities when involving parenting.  The fathers should also take responsibility and involve in nurturing children and supporting house hold activities.

Society expects mothers’ to be responsible for raising children and taking care of families and father play breadwinning. Gender role is changing for example, women’s expectation of sharing work with her partner. When both parents share responsibilities of parenting there will be minimal burden to raise children. Father roles were primarily breadwinners, now the modern day role of fathers change as a caregiver.

The authors pointed out that fathers who work less hours have more time to involve in house hold chores and child care. Fathers who participated in nurturing children are more likely to helping out in family duties. People who believe in equality tend to engage in activities and initiate responsibility for the house hold chores and child care. However, it is also influence by personal attitude, beliefs, social life, economic and cultural aspects.

Life experiences for Latino migrant families

The article “learning from the Life Experiences of Mexican Origin Migrant families”, gives us a vivid idea of what life is for the migrant families in the US.  The article brings out the challenges that Mexican origin families face and the way they have to migrate from one region to another at least twice in a year so as to meet their livelihood demands. The article focuses on Mexican Migrants or Latino migrants who live in Michigan.

Some of the challenges that the migrants face has been associated with the immigration status (legal documentation) and this place the Latinos families at a great disadvantage because of fear getting on the wrong side of the law. Latino families face financial difficulties which at times are not dissolved because of the low wages that they are paid; they have to work extra hard and over time to be able to meet their basic daily needs. This can also be related to legal documentation; because they are hired illegally thus the pay is low.

Language and cultural barriers also pose as a great challenge. Integration of migrants’ children into schools has not been easy. Language barrier has contributed to the parents not being able to get better paying jobs for their advancement but seek to work in the farms that pay low wages. Low wages also come as a result of the employer’s tax evasion and inhibiting the formations of migrant farm workers union. The migrant workers also suffer from health issues related to the type of chemicals they use in the farms and at times this has resulted to death, due to the employers not following the state and federal regulations.

Latino migrants cannot stay silent and ignore that discrimination and exclusion does not exist yet it affects them. Difference in language and culture has led to ethnic and racial profiling of Latinos. In the article it has been noted that even in schools, the students are grouped with special needs children because of lack of bilingual teachers .Migrant children are assumed not to be at the same level with the rest of the students. Racial and ethnic profiling in the work place and educational settings impact on the mental health of Latino migrants and extended social support for migrants can help improve on mental health.

Despite all the challenges Latino migrants face, they still work hard and adapt to the society that they migrate into. The concept of hard work is reinforced this is a result of the cultural values that Latinos have that encourage collectivism and taking care of each other. The migrant families acknowledge that even with low paying wages they have been able to make a difference and advance into better living conditions. This does not mean that the challenges should be ignored but the level of oppression that they undergo should be addressed and change be effected. Racial and ethnic profiling has made Latinos invisible but they can be made visible by being included in research.

Case of Latino migrants’ families gives us an insight of how life can be for migrants in the US. The challenges that the article identifies can also be noted to affect different migrants groups. This article gives us direction on what can be done to prevent oppression on migrant families by identifying the problems and giving out possible solutions.

Article link: http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/40005319?uid=3739736&uid=2134&uid=2&uid=70&uid=4&uid=3739256&sid=21102809977753

Boys Don't Do That!: How Families Teach Gender Roles

Where did you learn what it means to be a boy or a girl?

Libby Balter Blume and Thomas Blume in their article “Toward a Dialectical Model of Family Gender Discourse: Body, Identity and Sexuality” argue that the strongest influence on gender roles is the family. Gender is a way of expressing our identity. It can be how we dress, if we wear make-up or what we like to do for fun. 

A lot of times, gender gets confused for being the same thing as sex, however, they are different ideas. Sex is genitalia and a person's chromosomes. Gender on the other hand,  is a way to express yourself, and it doesn’t always match up with your genitalia, nor is it biologically determined. Girls are not born into the world wanting to play with dolls and boys aren’t born knowing how to play football. In this way gender is socially constructed. There isn’t a biological part of the brain that makes girls like pink more, it is a learned behavior.

As children, we learn to follow a script of how to correctly display our gender from our families. In some families gender must match up with sex. Boys are only allowed to do boy things like rough play, and girls can only do girl things like play with Barbies. In other families the rules of how to act like a girl or a boy are much more relaxed. Families teach these gender rules by confirming and rejecting gender roles. For example, if a little boy wants to be Cinderella for Halloween and his parents say that boys can’t be princesses, that is an example of confirming gender roles. The parents are teaching their son that boys follow certain behaviors, and being a princess isn’t one. On the flip side, parents can also challenge gender roles by letting boys wear nail polish or allowing girls to play football. 

Here is a short video showcasing how families reinforced or challenged gender roles as it relates to Halloween costumes: 

The authors explain that the construction of gender is a dialectic. This means that gender roles within the family happens on multiple levels and there might contradictions or challenges over time. In this way, families are constantly negotiating and/or resisting gender constructions. A parent might tell a girl that she can be anything she wants to be when she grows up, but then make an offhand comment like “girls can’t become race car drivers!” In this way the girl is receiving conflicting messages about what it means to be a girl. Can she be anything or do girls only have certain jobs?

When families allow for their children to develop into themselves without a lot of gender stereotyping, the kids have less stereotypes when it comes to gender. This means the children have more flexibility in how they identify themselves and the activities they do. It’s also important to mention that gender isn't something that is fixed. A child might grow up only wearing pink dresses and then one day decide that she will never wear a dress again. As a child grows and has different experiences, he or she might decide to change how they display their gender and that’s okay. So while families provide lessons for how children should act according to their gender roles, these ideas can change and be replaced with other ideas as the child grow up.

So now the question becomes: if you decide to have children one day, the question is what will you teach your child about gender and gender roles?

Understanding Fathering : Latino Fathers' in Mexico and the U.S

Studies showed that effective father involvement promotes healthy child development and later life outcomes. How often are fathers available to their children? I think the majority of fathers spend less time with their children than mothers. Fathers taking care of children or spending time with children is considered not essential and sometimes non-existent in some families as compared to mother in the family. Fathers also should have same roles, responsibilities and commitments towards their family as compared to mothers.  Even though both mothers and fathers are employed fathers assume that it is mothers’ responsibility to take care and spend time with their children. Fathers’ role and responsibilities taking care of children is equally essential in the context of child development. 

In the article “Fathering Across the Border: Latino Fathers in Mexico and the U.S.” Taylor and Behnke pointed out that “economic factors” and “work condition” reason why fathers are unable to spend time with children. The fathers often work in high- risk conditions such as meat- packing plants, construction, agriculture and factories. Often long hours and odd shifts working may lead to less or minimal interaction between parent and child (p 101). In the case where fathers’ who work double shifts and odd hours to feed their family, they might not involve in parenting and able to perform their father roles.  

Parenting styles and practices are different from culture to culture. The authors argued that involvement and father roles are influenced by cultural ideologies, experiences of immigration and intergenerational relationships (p113). Fathering roles are also influenced by cultural values such as gender role and father role identity that are rooted in the Latino society. Moving to a new country and the obligation to follow the laws of the U.S. affects the fathering style to control their children. The style of fathering either changed by the adopting new culture in the U.S. or people remained the same (p109). Fathering style might change entering new culture and country. Fathers sometimes have to learn new parental practices to play their roles. Fathers’ models of parenting, whether positive or negative, influenced how they interact with their children (p111). Parenting values and behaviors transmit from their fathers to children. Fathers’ usually played vital role in intergenerational relationship to influence their children. 

Fathers are role model to their sons and play an active role in their children’s lives. Fathers’ role in the family should be broader than bread winning and fill other roles as well. In comparison with mothers fathers spent less time with children. Fathers’ should engage in interaction with children to help develop and promote healthy child development.

If you want to learn more about this article, click here

http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/Benke/Taylor%20Behnke.pdf